Ladies!!! Why the Corrections Industry is for you!
We in the private and public branches of the DOC have noted that, despite the high salaries, excellent benefits and retirement packages in the Prison Industry, less than one-third of corrections officers are currently women. And we are constantly looking for new people! So, in an effort to correct this imbalance, we have decided to emphasize some of the less traditional but very real advantages of the Corrections Industry, for women in particular.
1. Find out what men REALLY think of you. You know how most men won't be direct with you, how they'll tell you they love you, but really, they don't care? Well, in the prison system, you won't have that problem. Men will be very direct. If they have a problem with your attitude, you will find yourself walking bow-legged for a few weeks, at least, after the first day. Actually, if you're around long enough, you'll have that problem pretty regularly anyway, but it might take a little longer.
2. Explore your sexuality. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to explore really bizarre and unusual sexual positions with large groups of men you don't really know? All at the same time? Well, here's your chance! We, at the DOC, can quite honestly gauarantee that you will have unlimited opportunities of this type.
3. Your domestic problems will disappear! Do you ever find your husband and children to be more of a cost than an asset? Do you ever kind of wish they'd just go away? Well, we at the DOC have the solution, all thanks to social groups of inmates, also present in the community, and know sometimes as "gangs".
Suppose that a member of the Arayan nation approaches you in prison to be "friendly" with his fellow gang members. And suppose you say "no". He will contact members of his social group in the community, and your domestic probems will suddenly cease to exist. Permanently! We, at the DOC, gaurantee it.
4. Make extra money. Have you ever wanted to be an entrepreneur? Prisons provide very unique opportunties in the adult entertainment and home pharmaceutical areas, particularly for enterprising women like yourselves, to make enormous amounts of extra money on the side. We have female employees who have been known to make $200 or more an hour, and love every minute of it! And that's all in addition to their standard pay. And all tax free!
Well, what do you say? Take the plunge, you won't regret it. We know our inmates won't!
We in the private and public branches of the DOC have noted that, despite the high salaries, excellent benefits and retirement packages in the Prison Industry, less than one-third of corrections officers are currently women. And we are constantly looking for new people! So, in an effort to correct this imbalance, we have decided to emphasize some of the less traditional but very real advantages of the Corrections Industry, for women in particular.
1. Find out what men REALLY think of you. You know how most men won't be direct with you, how they'll tell you they love you, but really, they don't care? Well, in the prison system, you won't have that problem. Men will be very direct. If they have a problem with your attitude, you will find yourself walking bow-legged for a few weeks, at least, after the first day. Actually, if you're around long enough, you'll have that problem pretty regularly anyway, but it might take a little longer.
2. Explore your sexuality. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to explore really bizarre and unusual sexual positions with large groups of men you don't really know? All at the same time? Well, here's your chance! We, at the DOC, can quite honestly gauarantee that you will have unlimited opportunities of this type.
3. Your domestic problems will disappear! Do you ever find your husband and children to be more of a cost than an asset? Do you ever kind of wish they'd just go away? Well, we at the DOC have the solution, all thanks to social groups of inmates, also present in the community, and know sometimes as "gangs".
Suppose that a member of the Arayan nation approaches you in prison to be "friendly" with his fellow gang members. And suppose you say "no". He will contact members of his social group in the community, and your domestic probems will suddenly cease to exist. Permanently! We, at the DOC, gaurantee it.
4. Make extra money. Have you ever wanted to be an entrepreneur? Prisons provide very unique opportunties in the adult entertainment and home pharmaceutical areas, particularly for enterprising women like yourselves, to make enormous amounts of extra money on the side. We have female employees who have been known to make $200 or more an hour, and love every minute of it! And that's all in addition to their standard pay. And all tax free!
Well, what do you say? Take the plunge, you won't regret it. We know our inmates won't!
posted by Jerry Kraus at 1:43 PM
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