Muse of the Dawn

I loved the sun, when I was a boy. I love the light. I was drawn to it, it is the source of all we know.

Light thrills
But I cannot want for it
Light chills the heart
With knowing the unknowable
With untold fathoms
Deep inside.
I cannot see
All that you see.

The sun is the source of heat and light, and, I suppose, by the will of Allah, the fount of all life itself. Yet, the sun is our servant. Or, are we the servant of the sun? Surely, the sun is much greater than mere man. More powerful, more important. Eternal and unchanging. Yet, it does serve us, our needs. And, through the calander, it seems to obey our will. Our astronomers plot the course of the sun, and, if they have skill, it seems that the sun cannot deviate from this course.

Surely, then, it is skill, quickness, perception that make the master, not size or even power. A pack of wolves can master a lion. And Allah is master of us all, Allah whom we cannot see at all, cannot even imagine, cannot match to any form in all of nature.

They have called me "Christian" because I say "I am God". But I believe in no Christ. Jesus son of Mary was, of course, a Prophet and no more, for such is all a man can be. But we all may speak with the voice of Allah if we are wise and just in what we say and do.

Creation,
We love our children
As Allah loves us all

Mothers have a way of knowing what will befall their children. My mother always said

"I don't mind spoiling my children. Allah knows, the world will not!"

My father was a cotton merchant. A pretty good one, too. Always a good provider for his family. I remember travelling with him for goods to sell, as a boy. I was quick with figures, and a good worker. We would negotiate and bargain for hours. But, I never cared for haggling. Some of the seamier merchants would actually burn the crops and farms of their competitors! But, that is business, of course. And I am no businessman. By the time I was a youth, women had begun to flee from me as slaves from a drunken master! They had no use for a poor scholar. But I had acquired some influence by my pen, and this was enough for me. There is great satisfaction to be had from the pursuit of wisdom, and it is the only thing that the world can never take from you.

I've always had some difficulty with authority, for some reason.

The chains I wear
I cannot bear
Their weight, alone.
They must bind the world
And all her progeny!

Freedom and Power are natural antagonists. And there is no greater freedom than the freedom of the mind. There is no greater freedom than the pursuit of truth. And truth has been my sole passion, my sole interest, my sole desire for my whole life. Those in authority cannot bear the revelation of certain truths, or, even if they may ignore them, they cannot have those truths acted upon. Disinformation is a necessity for the long term maintenance of power, of control, of any and all forms of authority. The Caliph cannot rule if people truly know the Caliph! And so, the Caliph came to have some difficulties with my teachings.

"The Prisoner has been cited repeatedly for his theological errors, errors of a gravity that they could, in principle, severely threaten the State. Our tribunal is tolerant, broad-minded, and merciful. But, for the good of us all, mercy must always be tempered with justice. Consider the claims, and the demands of this heretic. He would have us question each, every, and all legal principles so clearly and piously enunciated in the Holy Koran. He would define his own cosmology, on his own terms, and give all others the right to do the same. He would even claim, indeed, he has claimed, that, and I quote him, 'I am God'. "

"Precisely what he means by this latter statement I cannot presume to say, precisely. Indeed, I am far from convinced that the Prisoner himself is entirely clear as to the meaning of this particular blasphemy! Perhaps, his sole purpose in enunciating it has been to attract the attention of the Holy Tribunal. If so, he has indeed been successful!"

"Let us consider the possible meanings of this rather bizarre statement. It appears to resemble the view of the Christians in many ways, that their Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was -- by some mechanism that they themselves are quite incapable of describing -- somehow the "Son of Allah". This view hearkens back to the ideas of the pagans and the polytheists, that Gods had sexual intimacy with mortals. Yet, the Christians somehow deny this, claiming that the means of conception was "miraculous". While this Tribunal has sympathy for the delusions of the Christians, and allows them to practice their fantastical beliefs given the payment of a modest tax, we fear that the Prisoner's case is far worse than their childlike mental illness."

"For the Prisoner is an educated man, not known to fraternize with the deluded sect of Messianists. And his views seem more to tend to Atheism or Pantheism, in the view of this Tribunal, than to belief that he, personally, is the "son of Allah", or Allah himself. Indeed, the Prisoner would seem to deny all authority based on the Holy Koran, the words of the Prophet, or any other Divine source. This is his danger. And this, must be his downfall."

"This Tribunal finds the Prisoner a direct threat because of his claims that any man -- but, most especially, himself -- has the right to challenge all aspects of Holy Doctrine solely on the basis of his own whim or idea. Such a destructive doctrine can only lead to destruction and anarchy. Such is the view of this Tribunal, and such is the view of this State. Therefore, in order to ensure its own survival, this Tribunal has no choice but to condemn the Prisoner to the Torture, and to execution by beheading."

Actually, it is rather easy work to be tortured. The torturers do all the work for you! All one must do, to win at this game, is appear to suffer less than those who are attempting to inflict suffering upon you. After all, the State is taking a great deal of trouble to demonstrate its superiority over you, a mere individual. Should you manifest even a modicum of dignity in the face of this onslaught of pain and humiliation, the State looks very foolish indeed. So, I knew exactly what to do.

They sawed through my wrists and ankles, ever so slowly, in order to destroy my body as painfully as possible, in hopes of crushing my will. But, a life of moderate poverty is sufficient to expose one to most all pain and humiliation possible. The State simply cannot replicate in a short period of time the pain of a lifetime! Another limitation of the system, I'm afraid. When I deliberately rubbed the bloody stumps of my arms on my face, they couldn't stand it any more,

"What are you doing you crazy devil! Why are you rubbing blood all over your face?"

"I want some color in my face, lest I appear pale with fear! What with all this blood I've lost."

This is not exactly the reaction desired by torturers. I suppose I probably cost them their jobs.

So, they threw me in a dark, dank cell, covered over in straw. I was wondering if they would leave me there. This might, actually, have been a more effective torture than the one they had chosen. To die slowly of hunger and thirst, in the darkness, bleeding slowly to death from four gory stumps, might have been quite terrible. But, such is not the way of the State. They must turn death into a great spectacle. Otherwise, why take the trouble?

And, as I see the dawn approach, I know that Allah, the All-Wise, the All-Merciful, has granted my last request. That, as I am dragged to the scaffold, my bloodied stumps painfully passing over the stones in the empty courtyard, thrilling what is left of my ruined body, that, as the headsman's glittering axe accomplishes its task, my eyes and soul will, at the last, fulfill the Glory of the Sun.


© Copyright Jerome Raymond Kraus 2007