The Old Fashioned Way


As was our usual inclination
We had all sat down to luncheon
For a round-table discussion
Of the varied roles and functions
That our afterlife enjoins us
To consider as before us
With the clear and stated purpose
Of compiling a thesaurus
Of just what’s required of us.

“The first real idea,”
Old Health announced in dulcet tones
“Was religion.
That’s the first truly great conception
A broadly related set of definitions
That clarifies
And sanctifies
And glorifies
And stratifies.
Language, tool-making, fire
All very useful inventions
But you can see they don’t require
Any broad-based innovation
Just the simply stated desire
To fulfill stated intentions.
Why, we were scarcely Human, then,
A predecessor race of men
But this idea of religion
Made it plain to all our kin
The need for custom, form and sin
That consequences went beyond
Being immediately set upon.”

“But what religion?”
Inquired Isaac peevishly
“The average common man
It’s plain to see
Cannot comprehend the function
Of some grand master plan
He must have specific structure
For his judgment to withstand
The conflicts that inure him
To the fool and charlatan.”
“Precisely!”
For Old Heath did see
The wisdom of Isaac’s query.

“How do you spoil a great idea?
Stupidity
Obstinacy
Being petty
Being greedy.
Follow customs for no other reason
Than their fashion the previous season
Don’t let helping be your aim
Just look out for personal gain.”

“Quite a point there Heath.”
Declaimed Sargon, the great chief.
“Take my two contributions,
Politics and philosophical speculations,
The foundations of the Jewish Nation
That has survived these many millennium.
As soon as a decent principle’s in place
Corruption runs her race
Striving to disgrace
The principle’s intended purpose
With coercive force and hocus pocus
Force the people to a role
With no other goal
Than to exact a toll!”

“When the frantic competition
Of the competing Greek dominions
Brought them knowledge of the wisdom
Of the Jewish institutions
They could see they had their chance
With democracy and science
To continue their advance
To universal dominance.”
Observed Isaac with reverent cadence.
“But votes can be bought
By any religious zealot
By any political hack
Throwing competition out of whack.
And scientists can claim
In the hope of making gain
Well, almost any thing
Without having observed a thing”
Added Isaac with a querulous ring.

“Now, take Christianity”
Old Health said, maliciously
“The Apocalypse, you see
A device to set men free
From temporal tyranny
Since the world ends suddenly
Can become contrarily
Itself an orthodoxy
Supporting madmen on the throne
Who are said to do no wrong.”

“And my own invention,”
Noted Isaac in his wisdom
“Empiricism,
Has become ridden
With petty imprecision
And self-interested vision
For the scientific union.”

“Refinements to political union
Capitalism, Communism”
Declaimed the Great Sargon
“Become abused by powerful men
To create tyrannical regimens
Than enslave by theory and design
All those with the misfortune to find
Themselves enslaved within their ties that bind.
And even nuclear energy
That fount of all human prosperity
Becomes a poisonous anomaly
When controlled by government bureaucracy.
Let some private citizens have at ‘er
Playing with banks of microlasers
We’ll show the world a more perfect union
Based on controlled nuclear fusion!”


© Copyright Jerome Raymond Kraus 2005