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THE POET AS SCIENTIST

THE POET AS SCIENTIST, THE POET AS SCIENTIST

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The Geek's Raven
[An excerpt, with thanks to Marcus Bales]

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
But got instead a reprimand: it read "Abort, Retry, Ignore".

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Form input - by Günter Born

Monday, March 28, 2022

What if Ivan the Terrible marries Elizabeth I, of England?

Actually, at least in Ivan's mind, this does appear to have been a real possibility. Bearing in mind that Ivan had some seven wives, this probably would have reduced Elizabeth's longevity considerably, of course. Actually, Ivan could realistically be described as one of history's great domestic abusers. He is rather famous for bashing his son and only heir's head in, when said son complained about Ivan kicking his pregnant wife in the stomach. What a guy! There's also the issue of converting everyone in England to Russian Orthodoxy. A bit of a problem that. So, on the whole, I think if Elizabeth had come down one day to her Chief Ministers and had cheerfully announced "My Lords, I've decided to marry Tsar Ivan of Russia. Congratulate me!", she would certainly have been in a madhouse by the end of the day. Actually, I suspect Mary Stuart would have looked pretty good, even to English protestants, in comparison with Ivan the Terrible. After all, the worst they could expect from Mary Stuart was a reprise of the St. Bartholomew Day Massacre. A mere walk in the park on a sunny day, in comparison with what Ivan's Oprichniki might arrange for their benefit and erudition. From Ivan's point of view, of course, a match with Elizabeth might have seemed the ultimate godsend. Indeed, a further proof, as if any were necessary, of Russia's divine right to rule the entire world. Because, whatever he might have agreed to in order to marry Elizabeth, there was no possibility whatsoever of Russia ever ceasing to rule England, once Russia took over there. And, with Russian control of England, Ivan would be in a position to literally encircle all of Europe. Mother Russia might control the whole world within a century. The divine prophecies would be fulfilled! So, let's suppose a rather stupid Elizabeth, who Ivan can wrap round his little finger. And let's suppose a more aggressive Phillip II, who works out a temporary alliance with France to crush England with a joint Catholic Franco-Spanish Armada, early in her reign. And suppose, Ivan promises the full protection of Russia's military -- bear in mind, Russia was as populous as Spain, during Ivan's reign -- if Elizabeth will marry him. And, Ivan says he will allow full religious freedom to the people of England, and will surrender the crown on Elizabeth's death. In other words, he lies his head off, but, the people of England believe him. I suppose it might be rather difficult to actually transport large numbers of Russian troops to England, but, suppose this is managed, somehow. And, the marriage occurs, to save England from invasion. Now, what happens?

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